I work with a needy man, the kind of person who needs constant attention and feels threatened by silence. If I choose to read something on my phone instead of giving him attention he asks if everything’s all right. If I choose to meditate, adopting a yoga like position and closing my eyes before working he asks the same. It’s like he needs people talking to him constantly.
I am the opposite, I believe: I don’t talk about my life at work, I go there because I need a paycheck, but I’m open to learn from more knowledgeable colleagues, something he clearly is not.
What I’ve done so far: avoiding him, not looking him in the eye when he wants to talk to me, telling him that I’m working when he wants to talk to me, giving dull answers, feigning ignorance about several topics, ignoring him when I’m talking to another person and he asks what we’re talking about.
He still comes and sits next to me and tells me about his family, something I don’t care about.
I’m torn because I want to tell him to leave me alone, that I don’t care about his life, but considering the ‘offense’ this seems too much and knowing me I’d immediately regret it and feel bad about it.
Why am I like this?
I think there are diplomatic ways for you to express your preference. You could say: “I don’t mean to be rude, but I prefer to really stay focused at work and socializing can drain my battery or distract me for a while afterward. Is it all right with you if I keep to myself for the most part?”
He’s obviously taking your behavior as a sign that he’s done something wrong, and not just your preference for how you like to be at work. He’s probably trying to fix it or improve relations with you, and this is making it worse. The standoffish behavior you’re showing him is feeding his sense that there’s a problem he needs to address with you, so take a different tack.
If you’re a guy, I have found treating these interactions as mindfulness exercises is helpful. If you’re a woman, he’s in love with you, I’m sorry.
Dude, even if OP is a guy, he might still be in love with him.
Yes, and all the variations thereof. But you get the idea.
Buy a Subaru and a nice pair of Doc Martens.
I dont have an answer for you sorry, but i might be able to point you somewhere you might find inspiration to find your own answer
If there is a lemmy equivalent of the subreddits maliciouscompliance, pettyrevenge, prorevenge, or nuclearrevenge or you are willing to go look at the originals, theres a lot of stories that are entertaining and will be a mine of ideas
Headphones. Headphones are an excellent tool for isolation in a workplace because they don’t raise objections or cause friction like saying you’re uninterested but they tend to be very effective at deflection.
Just get a nice big obvious pair of headphones and put them on when he might come by and, if he waves or something just immediately respond with “Sorry, I’m in the middle of this can you message me?”
me: (with my headphones put on)
colleague: what are you listening to?
me: (speechless)
16 hours of silence.
16 hours of brown noise
Taking pooping on the bosses dime to the MAXXXX.
boss makes a dollar, I make a dime…
That’s why I poop on company time
There we go. Took a minute lol
I did this and when he’d talk I acted like I didn’t hear him. Worked for me
And if they have the feature you could leave them in Tranparency mode, allowing you still hear everything going on as if you weren’t wearing them.
Half the time when I’m wearing headphones they aren’t even turned on.
I went from AirPods to pros for the noise cancellation when I have to go into the office due to a very loud, annoying coworker. It was one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. Now I just ignore the noise and chatter and do my work.
He’s an energy vampire. Tread carefully.
Colin Robinson
Fucking Colin Robinson
Needs some updog.
Dang, all I got is this cowbell…
What’s cowbell?
Unclear, but I definitely need more
I once had a co-worker like this named Andrew. One morning, while he scrambled to fill any moments of silence, I told him “Andrew, silence is ok sometimes” and went back to my work. He was significantly less annoying to work with afterwards.
I probably came off as a bit of a dick, though it wasn’t my intention.
I’m willing to bet they understood the assignment very well
These sound like bread and butter small talk type work interactions.
Just gonna be blunt… meditating at work and adopting a yoga like position is going to attract attention and will invite co-workers to enquire after your well being.
If this guy is your biggest problem at work then you have a pretty great job.
That depends on the type of work OP does and when exactly are they adopting the yoga stance. People can do whatever they want during breaks.
But ultimately I agree with your last sentence.
Of course people can do what they want during their breaks.
What I’m getting at is, mediation or yoga in the break room is an unusual behavior and well meaning co-workers “just trying to be nice” will enquire after your well being.
If you don’t want to interact with co-workers on your break, put your head phones on while you play with your phone.
I totally see your point, which is why I mentioned this really depends on context. I’ve worked in places where people actually did stretches or meditation during their breaks and nobody cared for it. But I can totally see how that wouldn’t fly in other places.
Also, from experience - some people will still talk to you even if you have headphones and your attention on the phone.
You are this way because you are maintaining professionalism. Your coworker is being unprofessional by over sharing. Set your boundaries fast and firm.
I don’t think there’s any need to be rude. Just tell him you appreciate that he wants to make sure you’re alright, but that you’re just not a very talkative person and you quite enjoy silence. You can say it’s nothing personal, but that’s just who you are and you’ll let him know if one day for whatever reason you are not fine. If you’re feeling generous you can ask him to do the same, but that is a potential commitment.
Unspoken expectations are pre-meditated resentments.
Holy butts, why has no one ever said this sentence to me before
Take up skiing and make that your entire personality
Oh yes! Talk to him about MULTILEVEL MARKETING! Hell, OP might even be able to sell him garbage and make some money on the side if he’s stupid and desperate enough!!!
Hello coworker, have I told you about our Lord and savior, Xenu?
Xenu? Warrior Princess?
NO! Warrior EMPEROR! of the galactic empire! (very space opera!)
…it’s Scientology, isn’t it? It’s so sad I can barely tell the difference
Tell him you have trouble focusing on your work if you stop to talk too often. Tell him you’re trying to finish x, y, z, etc, and after doing that enough hopefully he gets the message.
Best to be direct. Fake responses just dog deeper paths.
What are you working on. Oh I’ll help you. Sure I’ll be back on ten. Yeah I’m busy too buy you gotta take breaks. Hey did you catch thst movie.
If the person is so dense they dont know there bothering somone there not the type of person to get subtle hints.
I have ADHD, so this is something I genuinely use. It usually works, but I’ve only dealt with this type of person once.
I had to keep reinforcing it and it was never perfect, but it did get better.
Happy cake day!
Just tell him you don’t talk a lot because you need to concentrate at work and you always keep it professional because you wanna separate work and private life.
Small chance it might be awkward for a bit but he will respect it. Unless he is an asshole then you don’t owe friendliness.
Why do people seem to have such a hard time with being direct? Just tell him to leave you alone, if you hurt his feelings it’s not your problem.
He’ll probably be mad, he might try to kill her. The odds of violence after social disagreements are slightly worse for women so most try to avoid being the 1 in 1 million today.
