I would prefer Satan at this point. At least he’d deliver executive orders by beaming the evil thoughts directly into your head. It’d be so much better than having to visit twitter or truth social.

Maybe sacrificing people to appease the sun god never stopped, and the aptly named illuminati organize a new war every time the sun looks angry

Desalinated saline

Finally… A socially acceptable place for my dog to take a dump when I’m out walking him

These are also great for when you’re up to your third divorce and looking for ways to streamline the process

Suqma ballgowns

Obviously fake. Do they really expect us to believe the streetlamps are turned on despite the fact it’s a sunny day? Couldn’t be more obvious

Man… I remember when CCleaner was called CrapCleaner. Feels like a fever dream

Babe Ruth + Billy Ellish = Baby English

“Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.”

This guy fucks.

A robot voice would be great, then he could be muted. Hopefully he dies before mind uploads become a thing. If not, at least the storage costs would be low.

In my experience this is how it feels to communicate as an autistic person

I know, right… Cluck around and find out

Same here. I tried a lot of medications from various psychiatrists over the years. Being prescribed medical cannabis and cbd from a specialist was the only thing that really worked for me

Someone from the Qatar government needs to make him a crown. And stress the fact that it has more jewels in it than the queen’s one. He’d totally wear it