Stressed the hell out. Mental illness issues ahead. If that is a problem for your mental state, please don’t read further.

My wife is schizophrenic. She has been off her meds of her own volition for at least 6 months. The voices that manifest as part of her condition are in full force now and part of that was her thinking that no one needs to use money for credit cards anymore.

I’ve spoken with her doctor, he has agreed to get her an emergency supply of the medication she was taking before… However she’s currently in a paranoid state of mind and fully believes she’s completely functional. She wants to divorce me for taking away the credit card that’s ‘totally free’ and at this point even though she clearly isn’t right in the head, she’s not wrong enough to be forced into a facility to help.

The main problem is that she will likely not accept medication from me, I cannot force anything, and I can’t in good conscience just leave. So either she breaks more and proper intervention can begin, or she somehow cuts through the fog, voices, and her own concept of being ‘special’ to start taking the medication again.

I’m stressed because while she cannot have me removed from the house by police order for anything I’ve actually done, there’s nothing stopping her from fabricating a story that might land me in a world of trouble.

While her mind isnt right, it’s not completely wrong either. She’s still very intelligent and can connect some dots. It’s just sometimes those dots go way off course.

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I’ma include some recent stuff to get it off’ my chest-equivalent <.< >.>

So, eegh. I recently found out someone’s been creeping around lying about me and endangering my actual life this way. That’s pretty stressful. Also, they’ve been involved in tearing up a community I’ve been subbed to (and kindof its instance too), so that’s just (sarcastically) lovely. On the other paw, I got some blockers out of the way and may be able to get some life help soonish. I feel ill just thinking about that sort of thing (phone calls, going places) sooo… might “procrastinate” for a day or a week v.v

[Josh and abuser who’s been targetting me, don’t read this part] Also, it friggin’ hurts to have a special kind of loneliness just festering all’ my life. I’m on some total “different wavelength” from everycritter else and will clearly never be understood and when anyone tries to help or connect with me at all they get most everything wrong, sometimes insistently so. So, people think they understand me (possibly better than I do, which is usually quite offensive) and mostly make things worse. If I tell more, they get more wrong. So I just can’t connect with anyone. Bleh.

I’ve got a constant supply of these, though. So that’s nice, I guess 🤷 🫴 🍬 shares Jolly Ranchers

Oh, and I’ve got nobody to talk to just in general 😅 [Sarcasm] Tons of fun. Just gotta put on some background noise (DoshDoshington doshing Factorio @.@) and try to find something distracting to play that my laptop can handle @.@

I love people, but my god do they challenge me.

I have everything moved to my new apartment finally (except the eggs, they’re gonna suck to move), but I’m not out of the woods yet. I was raised by a hoarder and having boxes stacked in every corner is making me feel filthy.

I started going back to the gym because I couldn’t stand being away any longer. Not sure if that was a good idea because I’m exhausted all the time.

My neighbor who thinks we’re friends because he talks about himself all the time and I’m too meek to stop him actually invited himself inside to talk about himself today, and I wasn’t butch enough to do anything about it.

So yeah, I don’t know. Technically improving, but still bad.

Of to a good start so far, yesterday I met up with my buddies for a DND night for the first time in 2 months and this morning it was raining for the first time in weeks.

Last week ended on a sour note of having an entire day ruined by a migraine but I still managed to get some stuff done before it went into full swing on Saturday so that’s not too bad.

This week has potential for sure and I’m really hoping it goes smoothly, even though half of my department at work (my department only has 2 people lol) is on vacation.

Edit: Looks like my good start hit its first speed bump, forgot my work security pass at home. It’s too long of a drive to grab it and come back so it looks like I’m going to be a thorn in the side of management all day today.

i finished riding across iowa a few days ago. now need to return to “normal” life, which is so much more complicated than waking up every day to ride my bike 40-80 miles.

Um, frustrated.

My parents are eighty years-old, driving for DoorDash (using my car), and they’re putting 1,000 miles on the car a week. There is no lifeline once my car dies, thanks to inflation. There is no other job for them, because no one will employ two octogenarians.

And I can look at the two flavors of conservatism headed our way in November and I low-key hope my mom and dad pass away instead of having to deal with the struggle that’s going to come, because it’s invariably going to get worse. I don’t think civil war is coming, but I do think the capitalists are going to find new and shitty ways to make all of our lives harder.

Kinda funny how easy it is for me to lose complete interest in something and also just how freeing that can be.

It’s nice.

Well, my father’s funeral service was today. I lost him at the beginning of the month.

It’s been rough. There were a lot of issues between him and I during my childhood which caused me to quickly cut off contact with him after I moved out. But I’d always hoped that eventually there would be a way to fix things, and now that will never happen.

So there’s a lot of guilt. I do not think it was wrong to remove him from my life, but it was never intended to be a permanent thing - it’s forever written in stone as it is now though.

I need to get into some grief counseling, but starting that process has been difficult for me. It doesn’t help that I already have a lot of other medical issues constantly ongoing, and now this is just another thing to add to the list.

Couldn’t be better. Returned to work with no issues after completing a partial hospitalization program.

Figured out I need to connect with the trans community again IRL to cope with the gestures at the news and the United States political discourse.

Fortunately, that’s not so hard to do in the Twin Cities.

Might write like a gonzo article about the Kafkaesque experience of trying to pretend everything is fine while the youth are dying and there’s real question about continued access to lifesaving medical care.

That all probably sounds a bit dark but I am coping and maintaining optimism. I’m not ashamed of not being cis anymore and that’s a big deal for me.

Not great. My company is doing a Kickstarter for a project we are working on and have spent tens of thousands of dollars on and it looks like it is set to fail if our marketing agency doesn’t work it’s voodoo magic in the last week or two of our campaign. Because right now we are fucked and I am going to be out of 2 jobs.

So I will have to go on benefits (again), probably end up relapsing into heroin addiction for a bit to handle the pain.

Temperature has been haywire for a month or so. Yesterday it said 29° feels like 37°, how lol.

Other than that I have had a pleasant week, I haven’t hangout much with irl friends but that’s because helping out dad with work has kept me tired. Gaming side, I haven’t let go of Peggle Deluxe despite ending the Adventure mode a while ago, it’s such a genuinely fun game that I can’t help trying to 100% it.

Excited to try Portal this week, always wanted to play it.

I’ve been alright. I’m recovering from a mental health episode, but I’m doing much better. I’ve started drawing again and started playing games again :)

Hi there! Newish to Beehaw :). Been eating better, working out, and trying to get into greater acceptance about the difficulties going on in my life. This week is trending better!