• 1 Post
  • 29 Comments
Joined 2 months ago
Cake day: July 23rd, 2025
  • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyztoNo Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•what advice can you give me to try and mend a broken friendship so we don't interrupt each other or yell at each other while trying to solve our issues?
    2·
    8 days ago

    1. What you see/heard (focus on facts, not opinions or judgements)
    2. WHAT you felt (how your body and mind reacted in response)
    3. Thing you need/need to meet (basic needs but also core values like safety, peace, autonomy, authenticity, etc)
    4. What you would like them to do (what is something you can request they do or refrain from doing pursuant to helping you address that need)

    ✅Second NVC. Just buy an app that helps structure your script that it goes thru the procees fill in the blanks style kind of and it will give you a decent starting point if you like something a bit more interactive than the basic diagram above

    Maybe listen to a session or some NVC clips in action on Youtube to get a feel for it

    Invite them to use NVC (even let them use your app when its their turn) on something they need that maybe they feel like you’re not 100% on for them.

    If the friendship any relationship has the legs, they will be into it, if not they will likey feel like you’re not worth the trouble for them. Either way, its good because it seperates the wheat from the chaff in terms of who your actualy genuine relationships are with.

    Plan it out first, then text them step by step if they are open to engaging. I really like texting for these things because it gives everyone space to think and react or slow themselvesdown and be more conscious of how they are feeling and what their options are for responding and its easier to be grace-giving because its not face to face

    Keep in mind, nobody inherentlt has the obligation to tolerate anybody else who insists on stepping on their toes in any way, especially when its knowing and deliberate and repetitive. People should generally be given the benefit of the doubt at least once where they are given a chance to correct things before you start cutting them loose but you’re not obligated to compromise your safety so someone else can make you a boundaries testing punching bag or get their much needed primer in developing their greater emotional maturity.

    If something bothers you, it will never get better if you dont make it known to them that you need something different and that you will leave it to them with whatever request you formulate in response that resolves whatever the issue is

  • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyztoNo Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•what advice can you give me to try and mend a broken friendship so we don't interrupt each other or yell at each other while trying to solve our issues?
    2·
    9 days ago

    ✅Second NVC. Just buy an app that helps structure your script that it goes thru the procees fill in the blanks style kind of and it will give you a decent starting point if you like something a bit more interactive than the basic diagram above

    Maybe listen to a session or some NVC clips in action on Youtube to get a feel for it

    Invite them to use NVC (even let them use your app when its their turn) on something they need that maybe they feel like you’re not 100% on for them.

    If the friendship has the legs, they will be into it, if not they will likey feel like you’re not worth the trouble for them. Either way, its good because it seperates the wheat from the chaff in terms of who your actualy genuine relationships are with.

    Plan it out first, then text them step by step if they are open to engaging. I really like texting for these things because it gives everyone space to think and react or slow themselvesdown and be more conscious of how they are feeling and what their options are for responding and its easier to be grace-giving because its not face to face

  • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyztoNo Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•do you apologize, even if it's not your fault just to make the other person feel validated?
    2·
    25 days ago

    I was sort of getting at that. The tricky part is people will almost never treat you better than 1. You treat and present yourself and 2. How you assert you are to be treated by them (that order is descending in terms of importance). Few people will treat you better than you treat yourself in a way and it sort of makes sense given our evolution and development of social groups.

    You can start small tho. Try to not say sorry for anything thats not an actual sorry-worthy accident or mistake for a day. Thats it.

    Check your posture by watching a youtube video and near a mirror if you can. You wanna stand tall, shoulders back, head and eyes level i think, make sure you keep your hips/torso level too, a lot of people do that silly thing where they stand at a weird angle jutting out the abdomen so they look taller or skinnier or something but its not great for your body or how you come across. Make sure to bath or shower at least once a day, twice if you can get away with it right before bedtime so it helps you get to and better sleep

    When you are clean, good posture, onlynsaying sorry when its genuinely reasonable and limiting it otherwise, working on feeling you deserve and command the space you need to accomodate your presence and contribution, it will be easier for everyone and yourself to have respect and uphold your dignity without you even needing to say a word

    Its just expected and commanded in a non-threatening but palpable way

  • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyztoNo Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•How to validate myself?
    2·
    25 days ago

    Do you think it might be simpler for them to look for the trailheads as an easier introduction to IFS?

    Trailheads honestly seem to me to be the simplest path to getting into IFS and its such a practical, simple practice…

    Thats what almost immediatey clicked for me, very commonsense but also not necessarily immediately intuitive if you were trying to work it out from scratch