But I also feel like a loser, because even those ranting doctors earn more than twice what I do… and they get to sit for longer than I do.

Regretting my life choices.

What kind of “I also feel like a loser” is this feeling?

Maybe the sane choice here would be to study or to get a certification that means a higher salary?

What in particular would that get you? I mean beyond the obvious “More money would make my life easier” thought.

Peace.

I’ve never done this and would never do it, for all the reasons people have already described.

I would, however, choose a 6-hour train over a 2-hour flight, as long as I traveled in (European) first/business class with a seat reservation.

There is almost no amount of money that could convince me to travel 36 hours by bus if I could instead spend 5-6 hours going through airports and only one flight. If I literally didn’t have the money to fly, I would spend all my energy figuring out how not to go at all.

Yes.

Also a machine on fire tends to run a bit more slowly. 🔥😉

Yes. Of course. I fail to see where I suggested not softening the rejection. 🤷‍♂️

I write “You can’t make them take your no for an answer, they have to choose to do that. It’s not a matter of politeness and it’s not your responsibility.” and people draw conclusions based on facts not in evidence. That. Is. My. Point. Whatever you try to do, they’ll find a way to find you rude, so don’t take responsibility for that.

Moreover, let’s also remember that a less-polite “no” is still a “no”, and people need to learn to respect those, too. A sharper “no” is very often the result of 100 attempts to be polite and still be considered rude.

You failed just now, so why would someone take your opinion about this seriously? (If this bothers you, then try reading it again in a cheerier tone. Oh! That didn’t help? Strange.)

I don’t think extra politeness is going to help you much here. If you don’t do what they ask you to do and they don’t understand why, they’ll probably assume you’re being rude, no matter which words or tone you choose.

You don’t need to explain yourself. Others need to learn to respect your choices about yourself. Yes, it’s tiring. It’s their fault, but partly your problem.

Your responsibility ends with “Thank you, but no.” Unfortunately, some people will feel hurt by this, no matter how cheerily you say it, because they simply don’t expect it. They will tell themselves that you are not being genuine by trying to both remain friendly and deny their request. You can’t change this; only they can choose to interpret your response differently. And most people never try this. Instead they merely expect you to be agreeable and do what they want you to do.

If you want to establish your boundaries, then you need to practise letting them feel hurt and not feeling responsible for it. This is one reason I meditate.

Peace.

I believe that if you faced the judgment and self-hatred, the rest might fall into place. I have two general strategies to suggest, which you could use together.

1. Practise looking at the thoughts like “I’m lazy” and “I hate myself of for being so lazy” and seeing them for the empty things they are. They’re just thoughts. They’re not even yours. They mean nothing. They consist of nothing.
2. Look into the reasons for judging yourself lazy and hating yourself for it. Is there a voice you hear in your head saying these things? Whose voice is it? (Is it a person from your past or a part of yourself you can identify?) Maybe you’re reacting to something you were told or taught very young, which was helpful at the time, but not helpful any more.

Your body wants to conserve energy or it’s afraid of overinvesting energy in practising the piano. If you saw that more clearly, you might more easily identify what to do next.

I stopped studying piano when I realized that I wasn’t prepared to put in the practice needed to develop the raw finger strength and dexterity to play even medium difficulty Bach fugues. I saw what it took and the effort didn’t interest me enough to stick with it. I have invested that practice energy into something else instead and I feel much happier for it. I have a facility for music, but I’m just not that into it as a technician. I have enough to appreciate virtuosity in others and that’s enough for me. Maybe you can find something similar.

Peace.

Countries typically don’t allow that. (Do any allow it?) For example, Canada requires you (at least) to be a citizen of another country and to live outside Canada.

It varies from country to country. Some countries don’t let you become a citizen again after renouncing, while others allow it.

Citizenship is related to taxes (which also varies from country to country), so some countries are very interested in your citizenship in order to be able to establish that you owe them income taxes.

How would your previous country find out? I imagine it’s like any crime: you either do something to make it easier for them (try to renew a passport, fail to file a tax return) or they find you by accident (some investigator notices a connexion between two observations that makes their mind tingle).

There’s probably more, but that’s enough to answer your questions.

What is the relationship between “they are competing with me” and “I feel like I don’t deserve any of the success that I’ve worked very hard on”?

Let them. How does this hurt you? What is your actual challenge here?

What are you actually asking?

Let it bother you, then don’t let it ruin your day. People are delightful and strange. 🤷‍♂️

You are very wrong about that, but I still never fired me. 🤷‍♂️

UPDATE: Downvoted for admitting that I, too, have battled severe clinical depression. Well done.

The only person who won’t fire you is you.

“Unsubscribe.”

This is not necessarily effective on its own, but it’s a way to find out what the situation is. It is a simple way to open the discussion about your lack of interest in what they have to say. Sometimes they just shut up.

The mere fact that we’re answering your question provides sufficient context to clarify the group’s intentions, no?

Yes, but that’s why there is a sidebar.

Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens. Enjoy.

I relate to your position. You are wrong. You absolutely do choose to hate or not hate. This lies entirely within your control.

I used to have the impulse to hate them, but I don’t any more.

On the list you cite, emotions is the one thing you choose, even though it might not feel that way right now. I don’t expect you to believe me. I will cite Lisa Feldman Barrett and the book How Emotions are Made and you can decide whether you want to explore or not.

Either way, peace.