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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 19th, 2023

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  • it’s hard to be brave enough to approach new people

    I was talking to my wife yesterday about how I gained social skills as an adult, and part of it was making a deliberate effort to start conversations with at least a few strangers everyday. Not hold a conversation, merely start one. Doing this for a while helps you get comfortable making chit chat and feeling out if it’s worth continuing a conversation, and breaks down the idea that every conversation has to be meaningful.

    Not sure if this helps you, but it really helped me.

    As for where to go, look for gatherings like flea markets, car shows, street fairs, anything. Even if you don’t care about the topic, be there for the people, and keep an open, curious mind. Maybe even make a game out of it, like the meow game, or some other goofy phrase, or try to ask a variety of people the same question. Or bring something that is a conversation starter like a dog, or juggling balls, or something small related to your furry hobby. The idea is to be around people in a mode that makes interaction easy.

    Meeting people is just the first part though. Moving on to friendship obviously takes more work and time.




  • There is so much stoic wisdom to respond to this with. Momento Mori would be the most widely known idea, Negative Visualization is similar to that, and the Last Time Meditation is a more obscure one.

    There are people who know they will die in the next week. If you can pay your mortgage, and you have good health, that is reason enough to be joyful. Those people would do anything to trade places with you and your good health and your mortgage payment.

    There are people who cannot pay their mortgage. People who got a foreclosure letter from the bank last week. Would Lindsey Graham rather us all be in a miserable situation like those pitiful people?

    Sure, paying your mortgage is not great, but you can mope about it, or you can be joyful with what you have. You will not have another today. Would you rather spend it moping about what is impossible to achieve today, or joyful about the positive things in your life right now? I know which one I would pick.

    At the same time, I know this may be hard to grasp because it took me decades to discover that joy can be a choice. It can be really hard to see that, which is why I pity Lindsey Graham.