Greenland is just the low-hanging fruit, an easy target. Something for the masses at home. Taking it won’t take an afternoon. In fact, they’ll just show up, plant a flag, next to it a “No Danes” sign, then call it a day. Then make a biiig celebration of it at home so everybody is distracted while they irreparably dismantle American democracy.

You can buy puff pastry, ready to be filled, in stores. We used to do that a lot. Just blend all scraps and spices we could find around the kitchen, put them into the pastry, shape it and bake it in the oven. Totally delicious.

Oh look, it’s male Anna Kendrick.